RiksenP

Hey. 

So ive completely forgotten about deviantart and that it was a thing. 
Wow
might just delete it, or keep it to die over the terrible journal updates I made when I was young and enough xD 
quite fun to read through.
but yes. 
Im alive. Shit happened, like a lot of shit happened. 
And im not gonna go into details. 
But just wanted to let people know I won't be using this site anymore, probably gonna keep my profile active for the shits and pictures xD 
but go follow me on instagram instead, if anyone's still here after 2 years of silence if not more xD 
insta : thefreakluckas  

rikke over and out xD peace !!!! 

Hey guys!

I have completly forgotten about my dA page and im sorry for that :3
I will be uploading new pictures soon

Alot has happened, ive gotten so many new friends and memories over the past year. Damn!
And if i was to tell you guys everything, then you would be in for a loooong update journal.
So i have decided that im not gonna do that. 
Instead i will try to be more active in here and upload more pictures and journals more often

Stay tuned for more !!
And stay awesome

Okay so i would like to start out with saying sorry. it's been quite a year 2013 and will you look at that, it's over already, wow. 
I haven't been good at keeping updates at all. Jesus.
I just took a look at the date of last entry of a journal i made and it was march 2013, WHAT? a whole year since last Journal, what the heck. 
So i will tell you a bit about what has happened since then. so i'm sorry this is gonna be a long and maybe a bit sad i don't know yet ^///^

Let's see, did something happen since march, a lot. 
My Horse Citta was put down, she suffered from a kidney failure and there were then nothing we could do, i do still miss her very much, and really sad she's gone, but that's not the thing that haunts me the most, I know she was just an animal but she was mine, she was my special girl. the first girl i've had such a good and special relationship to, and i promised her one morning after she had been sick, that when she was going to leave this earth i would be by her side, i would support her and be there until she was no more. 
I did get the owners to promise me to tell me when she was going to be put down, so that i could throw everything i had in my hands and come to say goodbye and be there for here. I was quite sure she would have done it while i was in ireland, but lucky enough she didn't, no the owner did not tell me, and i got this text 3 hours after saying she was put down. I had to take off from school i couldn't concentrate or anything at all. I still feel guilty for not being there for her like i promised her. 
I got 4 new horses to work with same place. They are lovely, but no one can replace Citta, she was amazing.

So my mental health started to get weaker and weaker everyday, i started on a school for people who dont know what they want to do, on webdesign and photo class, and was there a to first January where i switched to design and sewing class, because i like to sew stuff.
But the teacher drives hard, and pushes me and terrorizes me almost every day asking what i want to do with my life. 
Okay so i know it doesn't sound so bad, but,
Before i had a working accident i wanted to be farmer, i had the ground education on first level and was ready for my ground internship, i took the first 3 month in ireland to work in a farm with horses, and was really one of the best ideas and work experiences i've had in my life. 
I came home and started my internship at a danish farmer not far from where i lived. It was horrible, he drove me down, mental terror and so on, i didn't dare to say anything to him, because i was afraid i would loose my internship, and at that moment they where really hard to get. So i stayed in the work, Every morning i just wanted to stay in bed and just be sick, every good damn morning, the only thing that made it all worth going out in the stable to work was the cows, they really helped, them and the stable cats, that was the only reason i continued.
I then got a working accident when in the middle of work one morning, we had to spread hay in the boxes of the bull calves, and i got a heavy gate down on my left foot, around 400-600 kg metal gate, it really hurt, but i did not let myself cry or scream because of my boss, i was driven to Horsens Hospital where they scanned the foot and sent me home without anything saying there was nothing wrong, and i just needed to get my shit together and rest for 3 days and i would be ready for work monday, this happened wednesday, and that weekend just there was my first SvS convention in Denmark, and my second convention, so hell no i was not staying home. We got a wheelchair for me and i got to svs. When it became monday nothing had changed from the state of the foot, we again got it scanned without answers, and so on. For 2 years have i been troubled with the work damage, no doctors have come with an answer on what it is or whats wrong, or even for how long i can look forward to go with it, and have trouble with the foot, NO ONE! and if that wasn't bad enough, my whole life was destroyed because it was my dreams to become a farmer and now it looked like those 5 years i had planned into the future did not come true, and i had no backup plan at all, or well no backup plan that would be my damage/handicap friendly. And if that was not enough, my chef had to do more mental damage on me by scolding me for the accident, making it feel like it was my own fault, and that i should just not work with animals at all when i wasn't prepared to work everyday, he started to talk about his own back that aparently hurt like hell, and how he got up every morning to work because the animals did not take care of themselves. But hey i did not choose to stay home, the hospital did. i then quit and got on sick payment. 
My mental health got worse and worse, and the damage did not seem to get better at all.
And a year went by, and then i was kicked off sick payment, because of a fault my doctor made, by saying i was healthy, so i ended up going to the production school. Not even here it went up hill with my mental health.
It just did go wrong, i started to get depression, and was stated with ADHD and 2nd stage depression, So started on ADHD pills in the beginning of 2014. Oh yeah and while i was working on getting answers about my foot i was put on a pain breaking course, i had to literally take 16 pills in one day, and i went on with that for month before i was put in the hospital and forced to stop, or well they forced the doctors to try something else.
And then there where the, "what is my future now, what should i do now educations, job, what?" It was not easy (and still not is) to plan your future when you don't know what or when your foot is healed again or if it ever will be.
So yeah 2 years with the damage and still no answers have i got, for what it is or for how long i can go with it yet or if it is permanent, such lovely the world is right!

Okay not all was bad, if i hadn't gotten the work accident i wouldn't have met my boyfriend, i'm sure we wouldn't have found each other, we started to talk to a small cosplay walk in Kolding, and it just sorta clicked from there, or so i thought, We have had out fights, and discussions, and sometimes i really must say i really just want to just fuck it all and leave, but i do love him to much for that, he's handsome, funny, lovely, weird and i could go on, but mostly important is he keeps my brain at a hold when we are together, it's like the world just passes by outside and i don't have to worry, He complains alot about me being a lazy person because i just lay in bed all day if i could dragging him with me, but that's not because i'm lazy, that's because i feel so peaceful and calm, and that i can relax without to much fuss from everyone else. I really love him and we are still together today. 
Not so long then we are celebrating our 2nd anniversary at Genki-convention in august this year the 3rd.

Hmmm what else. I know there has happened a lot, one of the things is my memories have been destroyed and i cant remember very much because of the damage i have taken because of the pills, stress for to long, Since i guess that must have been 2008 ( never treated for that ) the mental disturbance, the psychological pain and yeah i guess that's it.

But i was at mythodea in the summer with my larping friends and one week in Germany with larping people was so good, the weather was good and it was just amazing.!

I then had problems with my parents, my temper beginning to be difficult to control, i choose to move out and together with 3 of my larping friends. We moved into an old farm and it was an amazing place, we got 2 cats and i dog. it just looked like it was going to finally go right, or so i thought. or well something was going right, one of the cats where mine, her name was ninja, i loved her, although i was jealous she gave all the others in the house attention the only one left that got nothing was me, she loved to lay up next to Daniel, and when i tried she just left, once in a while she would snuggle up next to me, or on my lap, or next to the computer, but that would only be when no one else was available, i was quite sure i was going to have her for a long time she was only 7 month when we got her i think, cant remember, but well it didn't go that well, because suddenly we got a higher bill on oil for the house and i couldn't afford the wet for Ninja, and she needed one badly, so with a broken heart, i had to look at what was best for her, and give her away to someone who i knew would take care of her, or so i thought, when i asked last time they said they hadn't seen her for 3 month. I felt terrible for letting her go, but nothing i could do now. She was something to keep me going, she kept me up.

I then went into the new year with a depression new years eve, yes first year i went into the new year crying. shit. And all because of some stupid bond i have that i cant break traditions that easily. Next day i heard there had been trouble in the house at home and we had to move, at the same time the school pressed on about what i wanted to do now.

2014 have been so terrible up until now, i feel like i'm constantly riding a bike in tailspin and coming no where, fighting way to hard, just to get through a whole day. ( wow, writing this down actually makes me cry, just getting it all down, feels kinda good, don't even care if no one reads it, because of the length of this journal)

I used to be a happy girl, so ongoing and just wanting nothing more than a good time, but oh how i have changed for the worse.
I have had suicidal thoughts ( not anymore though, thank good for that ), i haven't felt the passion for doing anything i usually liked to do, and found it difficult to start something, but on the other hand have i tried by all my hearts to help people, making their lives a better place, i want noting more than to see other people smile, even if it's because i have screwed up or done something stupid, hearing i made people smile and just forget all their problems for just a short period of time really lightens up my own spirit. 
I love going to conventions to see my friends and make them happy, i have been told from them, i am everyone's bff, because i try to be friends with everyone and want nothing but to help and so on, and i like to know that. 
I was told from a recent event that was a really good, no not good, it was one of the highlights of my life, or what i remember.
Going to J popcon, it seemed a bit chaos up till that friday. but i just loved it. I got to see alot of friends i had missed, talked to new and made new friends that are very amazing!!!
We held our Con meetup Marvel vs. Dc Dk photo-shoot and i was told afterwards that i had made most of the peoples saturday worth coming and being at, one contacted me and said it was nice to see someone who was able to make people smile, laugh and just be happy. and that made me cry, in happiness though because it was all the trouble worth it then, all the stress and anger and frustration, WORTH IT!!!! THANK YOU!
UH and let me not forget one of the most thrilling moments in my life. I met and the two people to get me into cosplay with help from my friend Camilla, It was such a big, amazing experience to meet the two lovely people, shaking i thanked them, and then when i fell a bit down to earth again, Because jesus they are my idols, i'm looking up to these people, and i never thought i would meet them in real life, never and then there we were, just talking and chilling, and they are just such wonderfull and amazing people, uh and skilled xD and sunday i got the chance to hang out with them a bit more, just to talk and take pictures and well Charlie and Fie was dressed as Tenth and rose so i borrowed my adipose to them ^^ arhg i'm just really glad i met them, some people are so different when you meet them, well fie and Charlie was to, but they where so much more nice and so down to earth and lovely ^^  i hope i will be seeing them again, and talk to them, keeping the contact ^^ that could be fun. So thank you for being awesome and being you. You guys rock ^^
Oh and let me not forget to post this here as well the epic video Charlie made ^^


So to end it all this is how my state is now.
I am currently waiting for my foot to heal.
I have been operated in the right knee for a plica they removed, waiting for that to heal as well.
Trying to go through a whole day without getting someone mad.
Going through a whole day without fucking pains.
I am trying to figure our what education i can take, because i have to think of my foot, and i cant school, because of my mental health.
Trying to hold together on my mind and thoughts, they have slowly broken free.
I have said yes to take Psychologist talks with thoughts on getting my head cleared for the first time in over 6 years, to make my life better.
I am still trying to get my cosplays done, trying not to stress over it. or over the fact i have to make my friends.
Still fighting with the school because they want to throw me out because i have been there to long.
I have moved up to my friends mom, but i don't feel at home there at all.
Looking for a place of my own of a friend and me or more quickly enough.
But i don't know where i will be tomorrow with money, if i would be able to afford living on my own or together with someone. Argh.
And well yeah all stuff just falls upon me now.

Things i can look forward to ^^ so that its not all bad things.
I am going to Croatia with a really good friend for 17 days soon!!!
I am going to London Film and Comic Con for the first time.
I am going to see Stan Lee for the first time and last time in real life.
I am maybe Going to get Stan Lees Autograph.
X men Days of future past.
I am going to Copenhagen in cosplay for the premiere to stand there with other people ^^
I am maybe going to London premiere for X men DOFP because there has been rumours about Michael Fassbender and James Mcavoy being there ( my frieking favorite actors of all time) and maybe Ian Mckallen and Sir Patrick Stewart.
Being able to run again with my knee
Being able to ride again.
I am going a week on a ship called Fulton on vacation with other young people.
Seeing my little brother graduate from 9th grade. 
Being at my little brothers last school day with my mom to take pictures.
Hmmm i'm sure i have forgotten something -.- And i'm sorry till those i have

But i am going to end the Journal here and say i love all my friends and followers and all you people lovely and nice  

So Hello to all of you

How are you all doing ??

I could tell you a lot of what happened since last time.... but i don't feel like doing that

So here is a resume (8

i'ts been going up and down with my foot... broke my forth supporting shoe (Rebound air walker) and got a new one that i broke in 3 days -.-
I'v been stressed with J popcon, but i'm fine now.
Really liked my cosplayes. I'll be putting some up soon ^^
EPICNESS!!!
I was Mystique(Comic version), Emma Frost(my own design, inspired by a picture) and Magneto/Erik Lensherr(First class suit) ;D

And i'm looking forward To SVS allready ^^ Marvel will return (8

I wish we had like a comic con or something like that here in Denmark, THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME !!!!

i started in school on Web design, using all my time on learning about pictures and photo manipulations and stuff way to much fun (tend to get a little boring after a while though)

well... don't know if i wan't to tell you more ^^

SO HAVE A NICE DAY AND I WILL SEE YOU SOON (for some of you that is)

Oh and next weekend i'm going to a mini con called SWLW that stands for SuperWhoLockWeekend <3 looking forward to it... i'm just not comming in a costume at all .... (just dont have the time for it)

BYE !!!!!

My 18th Birthday is today, the 6th February... It feels so weird to finally turn 18.
I remember when i was younger like, around 7 years i guess and looked at the 18 years old kids at the school or well 16 years old. and thought i would be cool as them when i turned that age. That i would be pretty !!!!
And now i'm turning 18 and it's all so weird, If i look in the mirror it's weird to think about that i'm finally 18 and i don't look like the once when i was younger. not pretty enough xD
But yeah, i'm finally 18 bitches... And feel like shit xD, i haven't done anything with my life yet, and i'm still unable to get a job... *sigh*
Oh well. My week started a bit badly. My grandma got sick and was suppose to be here today, but she's not coming. My best friend had forgotten my birthday, so yesterday i had to ask her when she was coming today, and she told me she couldn't because she had some kind of musical :/, but it looks like my boyfriend is feeling better and coming this friday, where i'm going out to eat with some of my non cosplay or roleplay related friends ^^
I'M 18 jEGUS...
Oh well.
What else can i tell now that i'm finally making a journal.
I got a flip for jewelry right now. Lots of rings, necklesses and bracelets ^3^
I helped and To move into their new apartment i got a flip on sorting out the kitchen for them (8
But it looks really nice and neat
i'v been together with for half a year now. Seems a bit weird. Well it seems not real. because i really love him so much, and i can't tell how nervous i got when he got sick in really just wanted to drop everything in my hands and go back to look after him... But now he's feeling better and im so happy about that..
I wanna thank all my great friends for sending me happy birthday wishes I LOVE YOU ALL ^^